i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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