I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
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He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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