I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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