Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
