is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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