Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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