I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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