I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
