so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
