it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
