They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
