I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
