I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
you are never too drunk for berry picking
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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