the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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