btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just threw up on my dentist
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
