i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
