somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
two words: eviction party
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
