so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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