so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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