Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
