Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
