So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
