Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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