Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Don't tell me you're on acid again
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
