Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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