That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
