Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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