so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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