remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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