Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i came on her dog
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
