I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You were trust falling into bushes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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