Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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