so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
