You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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