Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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