Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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