sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
whose parrot is this?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
