I am spending my child support on dildos
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
