K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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