Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
