Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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