On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
