My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
