the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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