the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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