I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
