I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
