My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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