Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
