She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
