My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
