I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize