White coat. Heels.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
