Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
