Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
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lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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