You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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