idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
