omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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