When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
