Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
