When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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