I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
