Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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