I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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