He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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