...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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