The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
