Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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