you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
