M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
