These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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