WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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