I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
