I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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