I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
