I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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