I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
