areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
