If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
