so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
